So I was off the HRT but now I really wanted to get off the other drugs as well. Realisation is not a linear, tidy process. Dawnings, eureka moments and the like come fitfully and in their own way.
For a long time I knew nothing about my own internal organs, frankly… my body just worked.
I didn’t remember any human biology that I learnt at school. When I became perimenopausal and I hadn’t even heard of it, I was really horrified by my ignorance because there are so many symptoms.
Now a lot of info was really horrid, in Latin and is very medical and it has taken me ages to research and review dozens of books and articles and find good material that looks at women holistically. I was learning a lot and able to share a lot while I was still in the throes of many symptoms and cycles of symptoms.
There were four key things I discovered
- Your hormones have a lot to answer for. Your … hormones … from the age of 12… Do you know what they do? They are responsible for EVERYTHING working in your body. I had no idea. For women from any age and particularly from about 28 and particularly in your 40s – fat, getting fatter, staying fat, eating carbs at night, mood swings, stress, confidence, memory, coordination, your va va voom is all down to your hormones.
- It was my lifestyle that had caused my hormones to get out of kilter. In the beginning I blamed my hormones – how stupid was that. But they are mine and I am the operating system for them – they were not some random add on to me. BUT For too many years – I had too much work, too much stress and not enough down time. My body just came and bit me on the bum to make me pay attention and so I could learn how to redress the balance.
I have also realised that it is MOST women who need some TLC. I have met many women in their 20s and 30s as well as in their 40s and beyond who are struggling with the work/life balance and who have started on the downward spiral of self-neglect because of lack of time and guilt about just about everything. We don’t know that we are designed to people please by the hormone oestrogen, which is our reproductive hormone. And that can be draining if we don’t take care of ourselves first. We are CEOs of our health so we need great self care.
- I was also starting to realise something else. I wasn’t a man. As I had written earlier on, growing up in the era I did, I wasn’t brought up to celebrate my femininity or anything like that. Periods and cycle awareness were all brushed under the carpet just as they still are. I started my period, my mother gave me sanitary towels and that was it really. My TT just had her puberty talks at school. She came home and said it was all gross.
I realised that the focus was entirely on the 3 days of a girl’s period and nothing about the femininity and the goddess side of things. Seeing that happen and coupled with my own awakening made me realise how ill equipped we are as women.
We ARE different to men. We need more rest and we tend to get less. We push ourselves too hard and when we do we become the fat storers we naturally are. I don’t want girl children to feel awful and guilty and get sucked into this spiral. I want them to be ageless goddesses now, not wait till they have fallen down a hormonal staircase as adults and need to build themselves back up.
- I had put too much trust in doctors and the existing medical structure. I had literally handed over my health to whoever I happened to see. I am not alone with this. We all do it. It is generally a prescription pad and a scalpel. However AT LEAST the good thing is that I have learnt so much about how to take care of myself. I started not to just have my own goals but to look at what I had learned as a social justice issue – in other words I HAVE to share – would be rude not to.
All right enough of all that deep stuff. The reality was in January 2016 I was still overthinking lists and trying to get off Xanax and Ciprolax.