And Then…

So I got an appointment for a month later. She was running way behind schedule and I had to wait for about 90 minutes before I saw her. In fact I was sure I wouldn’t get to see her.

There seemed to me a bit of a commotion and lots of coming and going and to-ing and fro-ing. There was a very pregnant lady in front of me and I thought she might give birth in the doctor’s office so I was actually expecting to return another day. Even grumpy old me would give priority to a woman about to give birth.

In the end the pregnant lady was only in for a nano second to collect a packet of something and delayed her baby’s birth for another day.

I was ushered in with much apology. She was very frazzled poor thing, but she finally got to grips with the THIS pill then, and the THAT pill in the afternoon and then the OTHER ONE multiplied if I felt crap. There was also the gel in case I had a funny turn. Plus the xanax and cipralex.

I repeated myself several times before she was clear.

I had brought all of my stash to show her, in a small suitcase just in case. I told her all about the headaches, which were actually migraines and the legs and the fatigue. She kept coming back to the headaches and the legs and not the meds, then she came onto the meds.

She hesitated and then said, “I think the tablets could cause you to have a stroke and so you need to come off them now, today immediately. You also need to have a uterine biopsy as you have had unopposed oestrogen for too long. The headaches with flashing lights you have been experiencing daily and the leg pains and tightness come from solo estrogen in the HRT without the progesterone balance, not the menopause”.

She continued; ” I will do the uterine biopsy as soon as possible and make sure we get the results quickly before I leave on christmas holiday and before you do so that you can have a good holiday…”

I went home – I wasn’t worried about cancer. I don’t worry about things like that. I was just relieved to feel attended to. I am completely needle phobic so I am always more anxious about needles than anything more serious.

“You may have some withdrawal effects if you stop taking all the tablets cold turkey…”

I wasn’t sure what the side effects might be – I was expecting the worst. BUT what I got was almost immediate cessation of the headaches. Seriously. I was so used to guzzling panadol and nurofen on a daily basis.

My legs pains reduced and stopped going hard all the time. Amazing and fabulous.

One week later I was booked in for my biopsy. A very kind friend insisted on coming. Mind you the first thing the doctor said was not to me, but to her. She checked she wasn’t going to faint during the procedure as she didn’t have time to deal with non-patients. She assured the doctor she wouldn’t faint.

The doctor double checked, “We have a lot of fainting husbands and I need to be able to concentrate on Deborah”.

“Too right”, I said.

All right so there I was ready to be space invaded. She was with her metal tools, all shiny and clean – I hoped. The nurse there ready to hand her the kit. Holy crap it was sore. She kept saying it shouldn’t be that sore, just uncomfortable.

Doctors always say that don’t they.

Well I think her definition of uncomfortable and mine are just different I wonder if she were in my position – literally she might have felt a little differently. She was going to give me an anaesthetic but to do that, she had to get up into my internal organs to give me the injection. Blimey – design fault really…

She kept asking me if it was hurting and I kept on saying yes it IS hurting. I don’t think I was supposed to keep saying yes. I think she was asking to be caring and think I was supposed to be polite back and pretend. However being a complete coward I didn’t feel polite, I felt space invaded and it was making me wince. Big time.

I explained my thought processes to her. We were all laughing and I was swearing my head off. It took for ever. She couldn’t find my fricking uterus – it was fricking hiding. Can you believe it? What a time to have a shy uterus I ask you. We had to have a break before up she went to try and find it again.

Success. Huge needle going into my tackle – holy crap I thought I hope she hits the right spot and doesn’t miss.

Another pause. To wait for the anaesthetic to kick in.

Up she went. “It won’t hurt”, she said,” you will just feel some pressure”.

Well we ALL know that is a lie to make you feel better when it hurts like fuck. Thank god she warned me as I DID feel intense pressure and intense pain as if someone was trying to rip out my insides.

Oh wait a minute – she was! So bingo – she had cut a bit out of my uterus and put it in a lovely, sparklingly clean steel serving dish. Marvellous.

I had to wait a week for the results. I wasn’t anxious – on my anxious list was the shopping I hadn’t done and the fact that I couldn’t cook nice snacks for my TT, like other mothers could. Not anxious enough to rectify the shopping or snack situation obviously.

I had antibiotics to ward off infection and I was warned that I was going to be sore for a few hours. If I was still sore after 48 hours I had to go back as that would be a sign of infection.

That is right YOU guessed it.

48 hours later I was back in her office, as I had an infection. I had to have an anti-biotic injection in the butt AND take antibiotics for 21 days. Imagine another bloody needle. An even bigger one as well. And your butt – so undignified. Mind you, a bit late for that.

Infection went away slowly, got results all clear. I need to check every 6 months with a scan NOT a procedure…

I got on the plane 5 days later to enjoy my Christmas. My father, mother in law and sisters – ever the stalwarts asked tenderly every day how my uterus was.

She was and is just dandy. Hurrah.

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